There’s something intensely unhealthy going on when parents discourage age-appropriate independence. A 13 year old should probably be allowed to go see a film with their friends most of the time. A 16 year old should probably be allowed to drive/ride a bus/bike to a friend’s house most of the time. An 18 year old should probably be allowed to travel overnight with their friends most of the time. A 20+ year old should be allowed to come and go as they please, with some common-sense “Let’s talk this ‘move to Finland’ plan of your over before you follow through on it” exceptions.
Parents should want their children to enjoy going out and doing things on their own and with their friends. They should be delighted that their child wants to have a life of their own. A rich, fulfilling life outside the home and distinct from parents and family is important, and parents should want their child to have that.
Today on “I think a white person wrote this”
Umm…No. this isn’t a “white person” issue. I’m Black & EVERYTHING she just described in the post is 100% relevant. We gotta stop writing off discussions about unhealthy & overly strict parenting as “white people shit”. It’s so old and tired. 😒
Parents need to give children space to discover who they are and give them certain independence because one day they’ll be on their own, and they need to know how to solve issues and move through life. Overprotection is as damaging to a child as neglecting them.
When ppl accuse non abusive parenting of being a white people thing they’re essentially saying “I believe propaganda that non white children are not deserving of fair non abusive treatment from their parents and are particularly difficult to ‘control’”. If you really think someone 20+ doesn’t deserve a basic level of freedom then you probably have very twisted ideas of what’s okay and what isn’t.
I don’t blame people for believing this because usually this is what they do to avoid the psychological difficulty of admitting the flaws of their primary caregivers…but just know that jumping through hoops to justify abusive behavior is psychologically unhealthy.
There’s something intensely unhealthy going on when parents discourage age-appropriate independence. A 13 year old should probably be allowed to go see a film with their friends most of the time. A 16 year old should probably be allowed to drive/ride a bus/bike to a friend’s house most of the time. An 18 year old should probably be allowed to travel overnight with their friends most of the time. A 20+ year old should be allowed to come and go as they please, with some common-sense “Let’s talk this ‘move to Finland’ plan of your over before you follow through on it” exceptions.
Parents should want their children to enjoy going out and doing things on their own and with their friends. They should be delighted that their child wants to have a life of their own. A rich, fulfilling life outside the home and distinct from parents and family is important, and parents should want their child to have that.
Today on “I think a white person wrote this”
Umm…No. this isn’t a “white person” issue. I’m Black & EVERYTHING she just described in the post is 100% relevant. We gotta stop writing off discussions about unhealthy & overly strict parenting as “white people shit”. It’s so old and tired. 😒
Parents need to give children space to discover who they are and give them certain independence because one day they’ll be on their own, and they need to know how to solve issues and move through life. Overprotection is as damaging to a child as neglecting them.
When ppl accuse non abusive parenting of being a white people thing they’re essentially saying “I believe propaganda that non white children are not deserving of fair non abusive treatment from their parents and are particularly difficult to ‘control’”. If you really think someone 20+ doesn’t deserve a basic level of freedom then you probably have very twisted ideas of what’s okay and what isn’t.
I don’t blame people for believing this because usually this is what they do to avoid the psychological difficulty of admitting the flaws of their primary caregivers…but just know that jumping through hoops to justify abusive behavior is psychologically unhealthy.
